2016 Update

Let me get started by saying that I have loved this year so far. It has been full of adventures, both good and bad. Here is a little peek into what's been going on over the past few months.

Brysen and I are still madly in love and continue to drive each other crazy. We love laughing, going to movies ($5 Tuesdays is the best thing in the entire world), playing games and hanging out with friends. We are still serving in the Primary as Sunbeam Teachers and are loving it. We absolutely love going to church and seeing those kiddos grow each week. We got a second calling this year to serve in the Boy Scouts as Wolf leaders and while it has been a challenge, it has also been a lot of fun. :)

Yellowstone

Brysen is still at Fast Signs and I'm still teaching at DaVinci Academy. My new title is Behavior Specialist and I absolutely love it.I have some pretty amazing coworkers and we have a lot of fun together. 

I get to see my niece and nephews almost every week, sometimes twice a week. They love coming over for sleepovers and we love having them. My in-laws are all home for the time being and we all gather every Sunday for a fun, crazy family meal. It's my favorite day of the week. 

My little brother is currently serving a mission in the Philippians and is loving it. My older sister had another baby, my dad disbanded the stake and is now serving in the Primary with my mom and the rest of my sisters are going to school or working. We spent the 4th of July together and it was a blast. 

We are still trying to get pregnant and it has been quite the journey. Last September I made Brysen come and pick me up from work and take me to McKay Dee because I was lightheaded, dizzy, nauseous and knew something was wrong. We found out that I was having a miscarriage. We were able to heal and move on after a few months and tried to look at is a blessing that we were able to get pregnant. 

I recently went back to the doctor and made Brysen come with me. They put me on a different medication, Femara and I'm taking it back to back for three months. The hot flashes aren't as bad, but I cry over everything! Good thing Brysen thinks it's funny and not annoying ;) 

This year has been amazing so far and I can't wait to see what adventures are next. 

-Britt

Summer Check In

I both love and hate summer. I love that I get to sleep in, but I hate that I'm not working. I hate the heat, but I love being able to be outside at night. But most of all, I love summer because I get to spend more time with these cute kids!

(I know, I have the cutest niece and nephews ever!)

Our summer has been pretty busy, full of lots of adventures!

First my niece and nephews moved home from the U.A.E., 

then there was the 4th of July, 

next was a co-workers wedding,

and then it was my uncle's wedding!

I got to be a bridesmaid!

We just got back from a family vacation to Dinosaur Land with my in-laws and the kids. It was hot, but we had an awesome time! We got to our hotel late Thursday night and went straight to bed. Friday we woke up, got dressed, sang "Happy Britthday" to Kellan and headed to the Dinosaur park! 

The boys loved seeing the dinosaur bones!

We drove around to see the petroglyphs and then went back to the hotel for some swimming. 

We got cleaned up and walked to Golden Coral for dinner. Even though I ate waaaay to much, I still ran around biggest, most awesome park ever with the kids until I was too tired to stand. Then it was back to the hotel, clean up once again and then bed! We woke up late Saturday, packed up our bags and drove back home. 

It was a short vacation, but I loved every minute of it! 

Summer has been a lot of fun, but I am ready to go back to work in a week. :) 



Until next time,

Britt

To Try or Not to Try?

I am amazed at all of the support I have received from so many different people. I was shocked to learn how many other people struggle with infertility as well; it was a relief to learn that I wasn’t the only one who was struggling to get pregnant.

                As I mentioned in my last post, I had tried using a fertility pill to help me get pregnant and it didn’t work. When it came time for us to try the next round with the fertility pill my husband and I had to sit down and have an intense conversation (well, at least intense on my end).

                Life is currently extremely busy for me and my husband. Needless to say, I am very stressed out and occasionally overwhelmed by everything I have going on, especially when you add taking fertility medications that mess with your hormones on top of everything else. We asked ourselves if we wanted to try to have a baby again this month or to wait. Because of how stressed out I have been, my husband and I decided to wait until I was done with school in May to do the next round of the fertility medication.

                Logically I knew that this was a good decision, one that will help me in the long run. However, I couldn’t (and still can’t) get my emotions to understand this logic. When the day came and passed when we were supposed to start the next round of medications I felt ANGRY. I was ridiculously upset, hurt, and emotional. I lashed out at my husband, blaming him. It took me a few days to calm down and to realize why I was so angry.

                I felt like I had betrayed my husband, both of our parents and families by not trying to have a baby this month. However, I felt like I had betrayed my future children by not giving them a chance to come and join our family. I feel selfish for focusing on myself and trying to get done with school. I cried for days thinking about how it was my fault that I wasn’t doing everything I could to try to have a baby. While some days are better than others, I still dwell on the fact that I didn’t take the medication. I hurt when I think about the family we could have but I’m not doing what I need to in order to have a baby.  

                Sometimes I don’t know how I’m supposed to feel. I don’t know if I need to feel angry, hurt and bitter because I can’t get pregnant. I don’t know if I need to feel guilty for not trying to get pregnant this month. I don’t know if I need to feel at peace with the decision to wait until I’m done with school to keep trying. I have all of these emotions plus some I can’t even begin to describe.

                Struggling with fertility is hard, especially emotionally. I didn’t know that I would feel so many different things all at once when I first talked with my OB. Good thing my husband still loves me despite all of my crazy emotions! :) I am just taking it one day at a time, trying to understand my emotions and to cope with them. That’s all I can do for now.

-Brittney

My Hardest Trial

I am currently trying to finish my senior year at Utah State this semester. I am working part time, doing an internship at DCFS part time and going to school full time. I know that the trials I am facing with school will help me become more patient and will help me begin my career. This is a trial I understand, one I am even grateful for (when I have finished my homework that is).  

My hardest trial that I have ever struggled with, and one I don't understand, has been becoming pregnant. My sweet, loving husband and I have been trying to start a family for 2 ½ years now. Nothing is biologically wrong with either one of us. We just aren’t able to have children. I started to take a fertility pill in December last year and only found heartache when it didn’t work. I have gotten my hopes up month after month, being a few days later each month, wondering if I was finally pregnant just to have my heart broken each time.

I had always assumed that I would get pregnant right off the bat, just like everyone else I knew. All of my mom’s siblings were able to have kids without a problem, as were all of my friends, so why should I be any different? When I first stopped taking birth control, I told myself it would happen in just a few months. I kept telling myself this for about a year.  

My adorable sister had struggled getting pregnant for a year as well when she suddenly got pregnant out of the blue. While I was insanely jealous, I had assumed that it would be the same for me. It wasn’t until my sister had given me a perfect little niece that I realized that I was different. I remember sitting in her hospital room staring at my new niece and feeling completely broken, like something was wrong with me. I finally gathered the courage to admit that if I was going to have a baby then I needed to talk with my OB.

I fearfully made the appointment to start the process of using a fertility pill. My OB and I had a long conversation about different things to try to help me get pregnant and she prescribed me something that would help me ovulate, as that was her guess what the problem was. After talking with several people about it, everyone told me stories of how either they or someone they knew had taken the prescription had gotten pregnant right away. I was sure it would be like this for me.

My heart was broken when it didn’t. I felt like a failure, a failure as a person and as a wife. I felt like I couldn’t give my amazing, sweet husband a family or either of our parents another grandchild. While I had ovulated and done everything I was told to do, I still didn’t get pregnant. I cried for days. I still cry about it.

I am currently still trying to get pregnant. My heart breaks a little more for both myself and my husband when the signs that I am NOT pregnant appear. However, when this happens my husband just holds me close and lets me cry. He tells that our time will come and that I just need to be patient. He reminds me of how much he loves me and that his love for me will never die. He is my rock, my hero. I am blessed to call him mine forever. I know that someday, even though I don’t know when, he will be an amazing father. So for now I am going to go cuddle him and tell him how much I love him. :)

What I'm Grateful For

This past month has been an excellent time for me to really think about what I am truly grateful for. I am eternally grateful for my sweet, caring, hilarious husband. He is my best friend, love of my life, soul mate, and rock.  

I am grateful for my family, both mine and my husbands. They are always there for us whenever we need them. I have been blessed with incredible in-laws who accept me and are supportive of me and my man. 

I am grateful for the opportunity I have to go to college and to get a better education. I'm grateful that I am able to receive scholarships so I don't have to pay my full tuition....let's face it. College is expensive. 

I am grateful for my loving Heavenly Father and my Savior, Jesus Christ. Without them I wouldn't be the person I am today. I am grateful that I am able to attend weekly church meetings, even if I do struggle with getting up on time. 

Now it's time for me to go and cuddle my amazing husband in front of the fireplace and play a game of Yahtzee. 

Love,
Britt

Year in Review

This year has been a busy one for our small family. 

In January we bought our very first house. In the beginning it was a love/hate relationship with the home. After the first six months though, only love remained in my heart (except when I have to clean it). 

In February we celebrated our one year wedding anniversary. It was celebrated among boxes and chaos, but it didn't matter. We had a marvelous time and decided that we're still madly in love. 

The end of April was another busy month for us because we got to move into the upstairs of our house! After five months of waiting for the painting to be completed we were finally able to move upstairs to live and decorate in our new house. 

The beginning of summer was a learning curve for us and our relationship. I decided that I would quit my full time job and find another one. This was hard for both of us because at this point in time I was making more money than Brysen was. When I stopped working we had to learn how to budget all over again and how to communicate about finances. The last part was the hardest for me; in my mind, if I didn't see it then it wasn't as big of a problem and we were doing okay. It took months for me to finally be able and willing to communicate about finances with Brysen (and he was beyond relieved when I did).  

I ended up getting a new job in July, which messed up our entire schedule. I went from having the same schedule as my adorable husband to the opposite schedule. I was now working evenings and nights, which I loved because I got to avoid traffic, but I also hated because I rarely got to see Brysen anymore. 

In October I ended up getting another part time job in the mornings, which has been fun but hard. Brysen began teaching boy scout classes once a week as well. 

Over the summer we went on our very first camping trip with some of our closest friends in Aston, Idaho. Yay!! I decided that this was something I would love to do much more often. 

My little sister Megyn decided she wanted to go on a mission and left for the MTC in late August. I'll be the first to admit that at first it wasn't that weird not having her around since we had lived on opposite sides of the state for several years. But as the weeks stretched on her absence became much more obvious to me. We are both proud of her and are always excited to hear from her. 

We celebrated our third meet-aversary on October 15th. We have now known each other for three years, which is awesome. We both agreed that it was a good thing we met each other and that Brysen decided to give me a chance. 

We spent Thanksgiving with my family for the first time as a married couple this year. It was a fun experience for the whole family, even if Brysen didn't want to go Black Friday shopping with everyone. 

This year we spent Christmas Eve and Christmas morning with my wonderful in-laws, and even though I was nervous I was excited to be able to participate in their traditions. 

Now the year is almost over and I am looking forward to what the new year will bring. 

Making a House a Home

After months of late nights, running to Home Depot for supplies, calling friends and family over, we have officially finished the first part of our house renovations. We actually finished about 4 months ago but life has been rather hectic so I'm just barely getting around to writing about it. 

When we first saw our house both the Hubby and I liked it but we weren't in love with it. However, when our bid was excepted we were both thrilled beyond words that we were getting our first house, even if it wasn't our most absolute favorite one we had looked at. 

As soon as we moved in we started fixing the place up. We put in a new kitchen floor, replaced all the moldings and painted the entire upstairs. Now that our major repairs have been done we have been living happily in our cute little home. I am beyond excited to decorate it for the upcoming holiday season!!! :)

My dining area before the remodel

My new, pretty dining area

The front entrance

Old front room painted a light tan with a brown accent wall

My new, beautiful front room (we did a darker tan and an Aztec red for the accent walls)!

New Adventures

A lot has happened since my last post. Our biggest adventure (which is still ongoing) was buying our first house and giving it that special, homey touch. This involved ripping up the linoleum in the kitchen and putting purgo down, repainting the entire upstairs, destroying the garden so we can fix it and a few various other boring things (I'll be posting before and after photo's later). We lived without a stove or a fridge while the house was getting painted for about 3 months. I do not recommend this. It was not pleasant by any means. But, we survived and now we have a pretty house!

Our next big adventure was celebrating our one year anniversary. We're still in love and super happy so I guess this marriage is going to be a success. We celebrated the day before by going to Maddox and having one of the best meals ever. Brysen bought me flowers and we kissed a lot and were both happy. The next day, our real anniversary, we spent the day sleeping in and relaxing. We had a fantastic meal at home and cuddled a lot. It was perfect. 

For our anniversary I bought both of us concert tickets for the Killers in May. I convinced my sister and her hubby that they wanted to come to California with us, making a party of it. Thursday morning we all went and walked to Downtown Disney and saw all the neat things there. Then we went back to the hotel to sleep for a few hours because we (and by we I mean the boys) spent all night driving to Anaheim. Then Brysen and I were off the LA to see the Killers! It was a fantastic concert and we had way too much fun. We ended up getting lost on our way back to the hotel and ended up somewhere in Santa Monica. We laughed a lot and after buying a map we were able to make it back to the hotel. 

Brysen with his new t-shirt

Waiting for the concert to start

"I'm so excited to be here!" pose

Tia and Eric spent the next 2 days in Disneyland so Brysen and I went to the pool, saw Iron Man 3 in Downtown Disney, walked around and saw the sights and were lazy. It was magical. I was jealous that I couldn't go to Disneyland too so I made Brysen promise to take me next year. Sunday we all went to the Aquarium of the Pacific and saw some neat things before we all piled into the car to head home. All in all the trip was fantastic and we all had a grand time.

Brysen petting the big sting ray

This fish was HUGE

Waiting for the Disney firework show to start

Me being brave and petting the sting ray

Now it's summertime and I'm trying this whole stay at home wifey thing and I'm not too big of a fan. I'm impatiently waiting for our next big adventure to start. 

Brysen & Britt